Relationships

Many times I forget how blessed I am to have wonderful people in my life.  I've had some moments in the last two weeks where I've been so tired and overwhelmed with 

SCHOOL

PART-TIME WORK

  and

A LACK OF MONEY

that I forget about having a social life.  When the weekends come I will often forget to schedule things to do.  I remember the days when I was going on dates with a variety of girls, but lately I've struggled with the idea.  Ever since my bad experience in my last relationship, I find myself 

SCARED OF DATING

I'm afraid of the risks of giving my all to a relationship, because the last time I did, I was dumped by the girl left feeling like a fool for trying.  I felt like what I thought were my best qualities ruined my relationship.  I know that it has a lot to do with the fact that the last girl wasn't the right one and I know other people have had it much worse and I shouldn't complain.

But . . . right now, this is my blog and I'm venting.

In my dating history, I've noticed that all the girls think I'm a great guy and make a great friend, but I've hardly ever had a girl that I really liked, who really liked me in return.

I often wonder if I have something wrong with me.  Am I abnormal?

Umm . . . if you are reading this . . . don't answer that.

I know I need patience and that I need faith that it will work out, but it's just plain hard for me right now.  The other day I was telling myself to think hard of someone I wanted to take out.  So, I thought of someone, but . . I found out that she was dating someone else.  Truthfully, I am tired of taking the initiative.  I almost wish a girl would just come up to me and tell me if she's interested in me.  Then, at least I'd feel a little better and I could easily choose who I should ask out.  I hate playing this dating game.

Don't mistake me . . . I want to get married.  I want to have an eternal family, but the path getting there seems so impossible right now..

Whoever is reading this, I hope you aren't worried about me.  I'm just saying how I feel.

I'm a sensitive guy.  I'm not the typical male.  I love the arts and have chosen a way of life that won't be full of wealth, and will be more spontaneous.  I don't get that into Sports like most guys.  I'm more open than most guys, but suppress a lot of it, because it seems to annoy people or make them feel uncomfortable when I'm open with them.  I'm so motivated in what I do that I often choose not to go do lots of frivolous activities with people.  Sometimes, I do, but I put school as a top priority.

Now, I've accepted these things, but they've gotten to me lately, and I'm questioning who I am and whether girls really want that. 

 I go to reunions or family get togethers where I see people who are happily married and have children.  As much as this is joyful for me to see, I wonder, will that ever happen to me?  Well . . . who knows?  I know I'm only 23 and that I should start worrying more when I'm 40 and not married, but I can't help it.  These thoughts have definitely been there.

At least

There's one thing I will always have . . . A great family.  - that's irreplaceable.