My heart is full on this late Tuesday night. Ironically, a few days ago, I wouldn't have thought that I would be so happy Tuesday evening. My last two weeks have been full of a wide array of emotions ranging from the happy and blessed to nights full of anxiety that kept me from falling asleep until very late. On Sunday, October 20th, I suffered an overuse injury in my right hand from over-playing and pushing myself too hard. This forced me to take a full week off from playing my violin. Part of me was relieved to have an excuse to take a break, but what scared me was that I had my culminating Master's Recital on November 23rd. I knew I couldn't stop playing for long. Therefore, I iced and heated my hands multiple times and received multiple hand massages, but it healed slower than I wanted it to.
On Sunday, October 27th, I felt it was time I could start playing again. But, when I did, I jumped into it too quickly by trying to play a three hour opera rehearsal. This caused me to suffer a small left hand injury along with bringing back a little bit of problems in my right hand. This is when I started to worry. I didn't know how things could work out. Not only was I losing more preparation time for my recital, I was about to embark on the most demanding week in orchestra of the semester: the week of the performances for the opera, Romeo and Juliet by Gounod. My schedule was as follows:
Sunday, October 27th - 1-4 P.M.
Monday, October 28th - 7-10 P.M.
Tuesday, October 29th - 7-10:30 P.M.
Thursday-Saturday - Performances: 7:30 P.M. - 10:30 P.M.
Sunday, November 3rd - 3:00-6:00 P.M
How could I recover from an injury, play an opera, and prepare my culminating Master's Recital? It seemed impossible. BUT, I kept telling myself that I had to play this recital. I had to do it. My brother, Jeremy had paid for a plan ticket to come out and couldn't bare to make him lose that money, because of me. Wednesday night, the night before a big test on Mozart's Requiem in my Analysis of Masterworks class, I couldn't sleep. I had done minimal study for the test, because I couldn't concentrate. My mind was spinning like crazy. I didn't know what to do.
Thursday, I took the test and I am not sure how I did and I didn't really care that much about it, which is unusual for me. That night, while everybody celebrated Halloween, I played the opera. Every night I had played the opera up to then I had to take lots of breaks just to make it through the opera without injuring myself again. After the opera, I went home and I called me mom and she did something I will be forever grateful for, she told me that it was perfectly okay to cancel my recital and reschedule it for next semester. As soon as my mom said those words the weight and anxiety I had been feeling lifted off my shoulders. I felt hope that everything would be okay and that I could in fact heal from my injury and play a successful recital. So, that's my plan. I will ease slowly back into playing over the rest of this semester and do my recital next semester.
What did I learn from this experience? I learned that the Lord is mindful of me. How? I was blessed with a trial to force me back to the right prospective in my life. For the last two months, I have been practicing so much that I haven't really made time for what's important: the Lord. I wasn't making time for family or friends, but focusing mainly on myself. I was relying on my own strength and not on the Lord. The Lord wasn't a big part of my life. But, he reminded me how much he is in my life. Let me explain ways in which he showed that. I will say specific names so that I can remember these moments more specifically:
After three days of not playing my violin and having very little improvement in my injury, on Wednesday, October 24th, I was starting to get scared. I send out a facebook message for help with hand massages and even though it was a weird request, my friend, Melyssa Murphy offered to help me the next day even though she hadn't given a hand massage before. But, even though that was helpful, I still found myself having anxiety. I finally contacted my friend Katherine Littlefield Thursday night needing a friend to talk to . She came over to my house and listened to my fears and anxieties without complaint. Then, she helped me get a hold of my friend, Ethan Sivek to get a blessing at 11:30 that night. Through the worthy, good priesthood holder that Ethan is, the Lord gave me simple direction: keep the commandments and live the gospel. This hit me hard. It hit me that I had not been living the gospel the way I should over the last few months and I needed to do better.
The next Monday, my friend Jennifer Walters gave me a hand massage and on top of that I found special crafter's gloves for people struggling with hand pain on my doorstep with an anonymous note. On Wednesday night, I was able to express my concerns and problems to my friend Zoe Crook and other close friends. Of course the culminating moment was with my Mom on Thursday night. How grateful I am for wise parents and a loving brother (Jeremy) who love me so much that they don't let money be a concern. I love them dearly for that.
On Saturday after cancelling the recital, my friend, Ethan hung out almost the whole day with me, which really meant a lot to me. It helped me to have a guy friend to talk to about concerns in both our lives. It was very rewarding and I am grateful for it. Since then, the opportunities to be around people and put the gospel first have flowed in the more I have asked for them. I am truly grateful for the tender mercies the Lord showed me in this experience through other people. The gospel is true and when we follow it faithfully things work together for our good.
What did I learn from this experience? I learned that the Lord is mindful of me. How? I was blessed with a trial to force me back to the right prospective in my life. For the last two months, I have been practicing so much that I haven't really made time for what's important: the Lord. I wasn't making time for family or friends, but focusing mainly on myself. I was relying on my own strength and not on the Lord. The Lord wasn't a big part of my life. But, he reminded me how much he is in my life. Let me explain ways in which he showed that. I will say specific names so that I can remember these moments more specifically:
After three days of not playing my violin and having very little improvement in my injury, on Wednesday, October 24th, I was starting to get scared. I send out a facebook message for help with hand massages and even though it was a weird request, my friend, Melyssa Murphy offered to help me the next day even though she hadn't given a hand massage before. But, even though that was helpful, I still found myself having anxiety. I finally contacted my friend Katherine Littlefield Thursday night needing a friend to talk to . She came over to my house and listened to my fears and anxieties without complaint. Then, she helped me get a hold of my friend, Ethan Sivek to get a blessing at 11:30 that night. Through the worthy, good priesthood holder that Ethan is, the Lord gave me simple direction: keep the commandments and live the gospel. This hit me hard. It hit me that I had not been living the gospel the way I should over the last few months and I needed to do better.
The next Monday, my friend Jennifer Walters gave me a hand massage and on top of that I found special crafter's gloves for people struggling with hand pain on my doorstep with an anonymous note. On Wednesday night, I was able to express my concerns and problems to my friend Zoe Crook and other close friends. Of course the culminating moment was with my Mom on Thursday night. How grateful I am for wise parents and a loving brother (Jeremy) who love me so much that they don't let money be a concern. I love them dearly for that.
On Saturday after cancelling the recital, my friend, Ethan hung out almost the whole day with me, which really meant a lot to me. It helped me to have a guy friend to talk to about concerns in both our lives. It was very rewarding and I am grateful for it. Since then, the opportunities to be around people and put the gospel first have flowed in the more I have asked for them. I am truly grateful for the tender mercies the Lord showed me in this experience through other people. The gospel is true and when we follow it faithfully things work together for our good.
I am so sorry you are going through these trials. I am glad that you have friends who are there for you, an awesome mom and the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father. It always amazes me in my own live how easy it is to let things start to get off but doing something good and letting that slightly push off center the better things. Also, your post gives me hope that my sons will actually call me someday and want to hear what I have to say. I need that hope through some tough teenage moment!
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