The last week has been filled with blessings. I can't express how grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for the love he has shown me. I have hit a few trials lately and somehow through them all I have been happier than I have for a while. Recently, I had a situation that I don't want to go into that brought me back to a question I have often asked myself: Will I ever have a relationship with a women where we not only both love the gospel of Jesus Christ with all our hearts but like (eventually love) each other equally as much as the other person?
I have never run into this . . never. I don't mean to share this to make anyone feel sorry for me. So many people in this world feel like I do. It just has been on my mind. I have come to realize through my years serving a mission and going to college that I am your atypical guy. Why? For starters, I am quite sensitive and strongly care for people close for me. I am not afraid to cry in spiritual experiences or cry with people who are struggling. I am very open with people I'm close to and trust and will do anything for them if they are in need and I am able. I am more than willing to talk to guys and girls alike about deep topics in life even if they involve the harder, emotional topics. Also, as far as interests go I love the arts, watching good movies and playing fun games. Sports aren't that important to me, even though I have enjoyed going to an occasional football game here and there. I just don't make them a big part of my life unless they bring me together with people I care about. I like to exercise and enjoy hiking and canoeing when I make it a priority to go. To put it simply, I am a sensitive guy who is very different from many of the guys of this world.
When I truly think about this, I'm okay with it. I am happy with who I truly am. I just notice that I tend to question in certain times of my life. The two main situations I find myself questioning are the following:
1. When I sin
2. When a girl is willing to be my friend, but can never see me as more than that.
I would like to focus on #2. I have noticed the same trend with me. When I get interested in a girl, I focus on getting to know her as a person and building a friendship before actually considering dating her. Then, when I get to the point where I find myself truly interested in her and test it out through a few or quite a few dates, it ends with the girl telling me that she isn't interested in being more than friends. Honestly, I strongly believe that I should have a foundation (a friendship) in a relationship with a girl before we take it to another level. I don't want to enter a relationship with selfish thoughts like: Oh, she could be MY eternal companion. I would rather think: I want to build a friendship with her and be the best friend I can and if WE start to see it as having potential, I want us to have a mutual agreement that WE really care for one another and want to build a closer relationship. Is this bad? I have a hard time seeing it as a bad thing, because eternal marriage is about being a team and the husband and wife each giving their 100%. Shouldn't they have a firm foundation of friendship that develops into love? I see so many relationships where they jump in head first because they are attracted to each other physically, but that eventually backfires, because there is so much more to it than that. My wife and I won't have the same young attractive bodies forever. Our love needs to be based on more than physical attraction. It is certainly a part of it, but not the foundation.
Now, I know I am not married and I am not an expert, but these are things that I thing about in regards to marriage and dating. This way of thinking combined with my atypical personality have made it so that I think girls are not used to a guy like me and therefore may be put off by me. I don't know. BUT . . .
This weekend, I had a reminder of such situations and I was blessed to have close friends who not only let me talk to them about it, but hung out with me for the majority of the weekend. They reminded me of what true friendship is. Also, I had family that I talked to this weekend that reminded me of the love I feel for them and how grateful I am that I will have them eternally. And to top it off, through communication with my Heavenly Father, I have been able to find a way to find happiness through this trial. Through that all, I have found peace and more understanding of what true companionship is to me . . . and that is what really matters.
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